Hello.
i am blogging during my free on a thursday morning, with a certain mr orange.
i was just thinking about something....
You know whats funny?
we ALL KNOW we are reading each others blog
just we are pretending we arent.
Because, well.
obviously we basically reply to some of the things we post, some of the things we say. if something has offended one of us, the other will defend or justify.
I dont know. There are some times, when i will catch your eyes. and then all these things just.. happen. like, memories. and sometimes there is that, faster beat of your heart, like, looking at you is wrong, like.. catching eyes with your enemy or a guy you like, not that i like, want you, um. hem. lol.
but basically like its wrong.
and i wish it werent like that. but then, i think about it.. how can any of us become normal again? we cant just go back to how it was, no matter how much i would like it. that would be great, but.. we have moved on. or.. not so much moved on. just.. so much has happened. i dont think, even if we became friends and sat on your floor, trying to sneak into your computer room and attach the internet because your dad took it out and told us we couldnt go on it... we could catch up on everything that has happened without each other.
because.. it all happened without you
this kinda big thinking thing came up a while ago.. what will happen in the end.. etc.
the end of school, its coming up, and if i can manage to pass everything (JESUS!) then yes, jesus. but anyway. if i can, then.. whats gonna happen? am i gonna end up with like, 2 girl friends?
like, those two are the greatest girls ever, but .. i always thought i would end this with SLIGHTLY more friends, lol.
and im not, so much, friendless. im just.. friend challenged. you know. NOW I SOUND GAY.
lol. not like, alex julian friend challenged. just.. i lost a lot of friends, just because i couldnt go to some thing in the holidays. its like, the friendship had to be justified through the amount of outings i attend and the amount i drink. and its not like, i chose not to go out with them. its not like, i went out of my way to not attend what tehy had planend. i just couldnt go. and should i be punished with, turned backs, ignored in the halls? like, whatever. fuck you.
thats right i swore.
back to my original train of thought. digression, much?
you were the one i thought i would so stupid things with, you know.. talk about certain things, do certain things. not like that >: lol. but youknow.
and i kinda get the feeling that obviously the boy means slightly more than us. not like, more important, but.. a differnt kinda of love, that you so often defended having. you totally did..
but now its recess. ill continue, tonight. or maybe.. i dont know. ill continue.
just.. sometimes its hard.
i do miss you.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Pizza Making?
yes. i am currently on the hunt for jobs.
do i have time for jobs? no, not really. do i have a choice? no, not really. i needs the money. i wants the money. and there is only so long you can go on living on your boyfriends money. i am starting to feel bad, and my constant helplessness with offering money to people, being able to afford presents.. etc. i feel bad.. lol. i cant keep going without money.
and watching people with money, buying things they want, whenever they want. not having to save for several months to afford the new season of , say, gossip girl , because they dont just get money handed to them like that. i dont like it very much, and so. i have pursued the profession... of working. LOL.
but. i have applied at two places so far, Dominos and Pizza Hut at Marion. yes, its true, my boyfriend does work at Dominos, hence my idea for this area of work. but i applied at a different one, so its totally different. like.. all my idea. and my sister used to work at the pizza hut at marion, so.. yeah. she was a waitress before she went crazy.
not really. but kinda.
she is better now!!
anyway.. lol.
i hope to be contacted soon. i mean, the only real reason ihave not gotten a job, is cos i kinda get money from mum a lot, im lazy, and i dont wanna miss time going out on the weekends, and seeing daniel. which are stupid reasons, but reasons nonetheless. but now, i have gotten past that point. i need money. i need a car, and i want to drive.
death to school bus A, seriously.
the hunt for a job begins, wish me luck.
do i have time for jobs? no, not really. do i have a choice? no, not really. i needs the money. i wants the money. and there is only so long you can go on living on your boyfriends money. i am starting to feel bad, and my constant helplessness with offering money to people, being able to afford presents.. etc. i feel bad.. lol. i cant keep going without money.
and watching people with money, buying things they want, whenever they want. not having to save for several months to afford the new season of , say, gossip girl , because they dont just get money handed to them like that. i dont like it very much, and so. i have pursued the profession... of working. LOL.
but. i have applied at two places so far, Dominos and Pizza Hut at Marion. yes, its true, my boyfriend does work at Dominos, hence my idea for this area of work. but i applied at a different one, so its totally different. like.. all my idea. and my sister used to work at the pizza hut at marion, so.. yeah. she was a waitress before she went crazy.
not really. but kinda.
she is better now!!
anyway.. lol.
i hope to be contacted soon. i mean, the only real reason ihave not gotten a job, is cos i kinda get money from mum a lot, im lazy, and i dont wanna miss time going out on the weekends, and seeing daniel. which are stupid reasons, but reasons nonetheless. but now, i have gotten past that point. i need money. i need a car, and i want to drive.
death to school bus A, seriously.
the hunt for a job begins, wish me luck.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Super Massive Black Hole
well, hum.
talked to you the other night... i loved how it felt. =/ though its hard to forget some things, its just the hope that your better that worries me. i just want to be certain that .. everything is.. okay now. only because i know it got so rough at one point. well, i would have to assume it did.
but.. it was good. about 5 minutes of awkwardness, then it was.. just a rush to talk. to fill each other in on everything. just .. to tell each other what we have missed from each other's lives. because we watched it, we all.. knew about a lot of stuff. we just werent personally there for a lot of it. and thats okay.
because now, i can only hope that we can catch up, and maybe not be the bestest of friends, .. but good friends. i mean, we can work on the best friends thing.. but its gonna take a while. its been to long for it to be too easy.
lol. i was so worried the morning after that talk. because i had classics, and i knew you were going to be there.i waslike.. huh. say hi, say.. something? lol. but you kinda were gone in about 3 seconds when the bell went, so.. my super awesome plan of saying hi didnt really work.
even a smile would be good, a wave from across the yard. whatever. just to kinda know i didnt imagine it =P
and i know sacha feels the same.
i do have to say i have felt better, and somewhat more comforatble at school now.
i mean, aside from the fact a vast majority of my 'friends' dont even actually .. well. they bitch about me, thanks guys, even people who DONT EVEN KNOW ME AT ALL feel they have some right to talk about me. like. for fucks sake, just.. go die. lol. you should be old enough to deal, and stop having a cry.
and you know what? someone in my english class totally stole my theme, so fuck you. i hate you. you took my precious theme, and i hate you for that. i mean, i hated you before.
but more so now.
thats it.
xx
talked to you the other night... i loved how it felt. =/ though its hard to forget some things, its just the hope that your better that worries me. i just want to be certain that .. everything is.. okay now. only because i know it got so rough at one point. well, i would have to assume it did.
but.. it was good. about 5 minutes of awkwardness, then it was.. just a rush to talk. to fill each other in on everything. just .. to tell each other what we have missed from each other's lives. because we watched it, we all.. knew about a lot of stuff. we just werent personally there for a lot of it. and thats okay.
because now, i can only hope that we can catch up, and maybe not be the bestest of friends, .. but good friends. i mean, we can work on the best friends thing.. but its gonna take a while. its been to long for it to be too easy.
lol. i was so worried the morning after that talk. because i had classics, and i knew you were going to be there.i waslike.. huh. say hi, say.. something? lol. but you kinda were gone in about 3 seconds when the bell went, so.. my super awesome plan of saying hi didnt really work.
even a smile would be good, a wave from across the yard. whatever. just to kinda know i didnt imagine it =P
and i know sacha feels the same.
i do have to say i have felt better, and somewhat more comforatble at school now.
i mean, aside from the fact a vast majority of my 'friends' dont even actually .. well. they bitch about me, thanks guys, even people who DONT EVEN KNOW ME AT ALL feel they have some right to talk about me. like. for fucks sake, just.. go die. lol. you should be old enough to deal, and stop having a cry.
and you know what? someone in my english class totally stole my theme, so fuck you. i hate you. you took my precious theme, and i hate you for that. i mean, i hated you before.
but more so now.
thats it.
xx
Saturday, May 16, 2009
this is for you, dearest. take it to heart.
i do miss you. i think about you all the time, every time i see you.
and i remember how we said we were gonna steal from the armaguard truck, and attack like penguins.
and talked about boys, and .. well everything. things that i couldnt with other people. now, well. i kinda talk to other people. not that i can trust anyone these days, except for michelle and sacha, but. you know.
i remember the old woman. i remembered when i saw her, weeks ago. i thought, howls moving castle woman.
and i thought, i remember me and you, talking about her. and the movie. and how we loved howl. i cant forget those things. and no one else seems to know who im talking about.
i miss those times sneaking out. i miss stealing the internet. i miss webcamming steven for some fucking reason. i miss sitting on the laptop in one room, and the computer in the other, and talking on msn.
but i can never forget the times i cried.
there were so many times.. i was sick with worry. so was sacha, we both were. and so were so many people. i can never forget the day that you sent me that message, that i still have on my old phone. its along the lines of, im going to do it, im just so upset. and i remember messaging you, begging you to not do it, to not do it again. for me. but you did it anyway. i remember crying in my room, because i couldnt stop you. i couldnt get that picture out of my mind. of you.. hurting yourself like that. i did everthing i thought i could, trying to talk you through it, being consoling, yelling at you. nothing worked.
so we had to put it on the line.
it was the only thing we could do. and it worked, didnt it? but.
do you remember at your party, when you.. were bleeding on your leg. and your story was, that you had cut it outside on a tree being stupid and running around? and i believed you? i was so stupid to believe it. i just didnt think you would. do you remember when i tried to ask you if you liked jake at all, cos you were acting all funny around him? and you yelled at me, told me to go away, leave you alone? well. i remember it.
i remember it because i had no idea. so.. stupid. i dont know. i didnt think anything of it. i really thought you had accidentally done it. and i dont know why. i dont know why.
i will never forget the times i cried for you. and all the times, my crying went.. well. unnoticed. you were in pain, i understand that. you couldnt stop. i just wish i could have done more.
i remember that fight i had with you. where i had the biggest fit at you, basically told you you had better get your act together.
but that still didnt really work.
im sorry, if we caused you pain. and im sure its felt vice versa.
i miss you sometimes, .. well. all the time. i just wanna look at you in the eye, for more than a second, and not feel like its wrong. i wanna hug you sometimes, just.. to remember what it was like. im starting to forget, and that kills me. i really didnt want to forget your hugs. i see you, in classics mostly. and i see you, right in front of me. i hate having you right there.. seeing you. thinking of old classes with mr moyle.
and then i see that scar on your right hand. right, i think. yes.. thats the hand i see. and its like this.. twang. inside. because.. i dont know. it brings back all the pain, i felt. all those times i was helpless to stop you.
and i wish i could have helped you. helped your life not bring you to that point.
but i didnt.
biology, too. i can hear your stories, being told to your friends.. and sometimes i picture what it would be like, if you and i were friends again. would we sit together? would i get those stories told to me. partners in experiments?
sometimes, i wish. i wish i could just forget.
and i remember how we said we were gonna steal from the armaguard truck, and attack like penguins.
and talked about boys, and .. well everything. things that i couldnt with other people. now, well. i kinda talk to other people. not that i can trust anyone these days, except for michelle and sacha, but. you know.
i remember the old woman. i remembered when i saw her, weeks ago. i thought, howls moving castle woman.
and i thought, i remember me and you, talking about her. and the movie. and how we loved howl. i cant forget those things. and no one else seems to know who im talking about.
i miss those times sneaking out. i miss stealing the internet. i miss webcamming steven for some fucking reason. i miss sitting on the laptop in one room, and the computer in the other, and talking on msn.
but i can never forget the times i cried.
there were so many times.. i was sick with worry. so was sacha, we both were. and so were so many people. i can never forget the day that you sent me that message, that i still have on my old phone. its along the lines of, im going to do it, im just so upset. and i remember messaging you, begging you to not do it, to not do it again. for me. but you did it anyway. i remember crying in my room, because i couldnt stop you. i couldnt get that picture out of my mind. of you.. hurting yourself like that. i did everthing i thought i could, trying to talk you through it, being consoling, yelling at you. nothing worked.
so we had to put it on the line.
it was the only thing we could do. and it worked, didnt it? but.
do you remember at your party, when you.. were bleeding on your leg. and your story was, that you had cut it outside on a tree being stupid and running around? and i believed you? i was so stupid to believe it. i just didnt think you would. do you remember when i tried to ask you if you liked jake at all, cos you were acting all funny around him? and you yelled at me, told me to go away, leave you alone? well. i remember it.
i remember it because i had no idea. so.. stupid. i dont know. i didnt think anything of it. i really thought you had accidentally done it. and i dont know why. i dont know why.
i will never forget the times i cried for you. and all the times, my crying went.. well. unnoticed. you were in pain, i understand that. you couldnt stop. i just wish i could have done more.
i remember that fight i had with you. where i had the biggest fit at you, basically told you you had better get your act together.
but that still didnt really work.
im sorry, if we caused you pain. and im sure its felt vice versa.
i miss you sometimes, .. well. all the time. i just wanna look at you in the eye, for more than a second, and not feel like its wrong. i wanna hug you sometimes, just.. to remember what it was like. im starting to forget, and that kills me. i really didnt want to forget your hugs. i see you, in classics mostly. and i see you, right in front of me. i hate having you right there.. seeing you. thinking of old classes with mr moyle.
and then i see that scar on your right hand. right, i think. yes.. thats the hand i see. and its like this.. twang. inside. because.. i dont know. it brings back all the pain, i felt. all those times i was helpless to stop you.
and i wish i could have helped you. helped your life not bring you to that point.
but i didnt.
biology, too. i can hear your stories, being told to your friends.. and sometimes i picture what it would be like, if you and i were friends again. would we sit together? would i get those stories told to me. partners in experiments?
sometimes, i wish. i wish i could just forget.
so its come to this, LOL
thats right, i put a lol in my title.
anyway.
so its incredibly obvious to all parties involved, and all those who read them
that the three of us are commuicating through blogs
so its out there
we read all our blogs. done. now we can stop pretending we dont.
anywho. well. again, we are right back where we were. shall we all stop worrying about this friendship then? and i think we can all safely assume, we all still care about each other to a certain extent, so there should be no more ifs, ands or buts about that.
its just a matter of, if we can accept who we all have become now. shall we all just assume our friendship will not, can not rekindle? or are we gonna sit here, is this insipid limbo, wondering, oh maybe, oh.. no i cant. its not gonna be the same, what if it is? i miss you. no i dont. i wanna be friends. yes i do.
im not condecending anyone, i am simply repeating the questions i know we have been asking ourselves time and time again.
its just gonna be a matter of finalising this friendship.
where do we go from here? forward, backward. or stay right here; in limbo?
its up to us. now who is gonna take charge?
anyway.
so its incredibly obvious to all parties involved, and all those who read them
that the three of us are commuicating through blogs
so its out there
we read all our blogs. done. now we can stop pretending we dont.
anywho. well. again, we are right back where we were. shall we all stop worrying about this friendship then? and i think we can all safely assume, we all still care about each other to a certain extent, so there should be no more ifs, ands or buts about that.
its just a matter of, if we can accept who we all have become now. shall we all just assume our friendship will not, can not rekindle? or are we gonna sit here, is this insipid limbo, wondering, oh maybe, oh.. no i cant. its not gonna be the same, what if it is? i miss you. no i dont. i wanna be friends. yes i do.
im not condecending anyone, i am simply repeating the questions i know we have been asking ourselves time and time again.
its just gonna be a matter of finalising this friendship.
where do we go from here? forward, backward. or stay right here; in limbo?
its up to us. now who is gonna take charge?
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
jebus.
i dont..
i dont know whether to be angry, offended, or just feel sorry for you. or maybe, even happy.
to think, thats the best you can come up with?
thats the big euphanism? well. awesome. must have spent a long, hard time thinking on that.
and it becomes clear, that things you think, somehow relate back to it making you look better.
and might i add, dont think this is you.
your gonna have to think long and hard, about whether what you think this is about, is really what you think it is. dont jump to conclusions, but i do want you to know what im talking about.
because i know, you wont reply. in any way.
i dont know whether to be angry, offended, or just feel sorry for you. or maybe, even happy.
to think, thats the best you can come up with?
thats the big euphanism? well. awesome. must have spent a long, hard time thinking on that.
and it becomes clear, that things you think, somehow relate back to it making you look better.
and might i add, dont think this is you.
your gonna have to think long and hard, about whether what you think this is about, is really what you think it is. dont jump to conclusions, but i do want you to know what im talking about.
because i know, you wont reply. in any way.
Monday, May 11, 2009
i was gonna reply to something
like, i had this big speech thing that i was gonna do.
about, how i had read something, and it was something important.
but its gone now =S i dont know why, but i can take a guess. basically, they didnt want me to read it, or they didnt want everyone else to read it or something
oh well. i guesss ill just forget it then =P
so. i have the biggest ever thingi have to do, like.. its insane. drama, english. CRAZY SHIT.
i have so much homework.
why am i even on here?
because i have DODO internet.
FUCK YOU ALL.
i duno =P
about, how i had read something, and it was something important.
but its gone now =S i dont know why, but i can take a guess. basically, they didnt want me to read it, or they didnt want everyone else to read it or something
oh well. i guesss ill just forget it then =P
so. i have the biggest ever thingi have to do, like.. its insane. drama, english. CRAZY SHIT.
i have so much homework.
why am i even on here?
because i have DODO internet.
FUCK YOU ALL.
i duno =P
Thursday, May 7, 2009
There is a lot going on
So i have kinda been skipping lessons every now and then.
not just cos i dont wanna go, though that is a reason, i can assure you. and maybe the only lesson i have been missing is english. but thats not the point. its the easiest lesson to miss and catch up on.
but i have good reason for this; for one, ms lovell continues to talk constantly during her lessons, with students not allowed to continue on work whilst she talks. this, therefore results in me finding it difficult to finish off work.
secondly, there is this thing, that istill have not done. =P i would say, its about 4 weeks overdue, and she still seems to want to accept it. and i have been needing sleep more and more ihave realised, at nights.
but.. i want to do it. and i skipped the lesson to infact do it. but then .. i got distracted by blogger. and by many other things.
just.. hmm. she told me i need to hand in this work to pass. and, i have done the majority of it. i just need to type it. its just.. iduno. its like, i dont want school to end or something. i cant make things easy for myself,
and i just got a text message, from Daniel.. you know how, when you skip a class, and you get a text from someone in the class, you think.. holy shit, they are gonna say the teacher knows i am skipping class, and im gonna get suspended.. lol. well, he just informed me that she was just querying about where i am. great, another note im going to have to write.
and another lot of work, im going to have to do in the space of like, 2 days. and hand in to her, and somehow, SOMEHOW, get away with it. she should still accept it. maybe a case of.. 'i missed the bus' would work here.
i doubt that, for some reason. i sense a lecture.. =P
that i brought upon myself, so no complaining. ha
i would have thought that something would be about me, like.. not about him
is that selfish? or just a case of.. extreme longing for something i brought upon myself.
i want onion rings... i hope they taste yummy =D
i bet they taste like shit.
anyway.
i cant wait until the end of the year comes.
no wait, i cant wait until ipass year 12, and MATHS, and get a good TER, well.. decent. then...
GO TO CANCUN.
or anywhere, really. i dont want to go to cancun, btw.
i am done.
there's this little voice..
Hello.
i am blogging during my free on a thursday morning, with a certain mr orange.
i was just thinking about something....
You know whats funny?
we ALL KNOW we are reading each others blog
just we are pretending we arent.
Because, well.
obviously we basically reply to some of the things we post, some of the things we say. if something has offended one of us, the other will defend or justify.
I dont know. There are some times, when i will catch your eyes. and then all these things just.. happen. like, memories. and sometimes there is that, faster beat of your heart, like, looking at you is wrong, like.. catching eyes with your enemy or a guy you like, not that i like, want you, um. hem. lol.
but basically like its wrong.
and i wish it werent like that. but then, i think about it.. how can any of us become normal again? we cant just go back to how it was, no matter how much i would like it. that would be great, but.. we have moved on. or.. not so much moved on. just.. so much has happened. i dont think, even if we became friends and sat on your floor, trying to sneak into your computer room and attach the internet because your dad took it out and told us we couldnt go on it... we could catch up on everything that has happened without each other.
because.. it all happened without you
this kinda big thinking thing came up a while ago.. what will happen in the end.. etc.
the end of school, its coming up, and if i can manage to pass everything (JESUS!) then yes, jesus. but anyway. if i can, then.. whats gonna happen? am i gonna end up with like, 2 girl friends?
like, those two are the greatest girls ever, but .. i always thought i would end this with SLIGHTLY more friends, lol.
and im not, so much, friendless. im just.. friend challenged. you know. NOW I SOUND GAY.
lol. not like, alex julian friend challenged. just.. i lost a lot of friends, just because i couldnt go to some thing in the holidays. its like, the friendship had to be justified through the amount of outings i attend and the amount i drink. and its not like, i chose not to go out with them. its not like, i went out of my way to not attend what tehy had planend. i just couldnt go. and should i be punished with, turned backs, ignored in the halls? like, whatever. fuck you.
thats right i swore.
back to my original train of thought. digression, much?
you were the one i thought i would so stupid things with, you know.. talk about certain things, do certain things. not like that >: lol. but youknow.
and i kinda get the feeling that the boy means slightly more than us. not like, more important, but.. a differnt kinda of love, that you so often defended having. you totally did..
but now its recess. ill continue, tonight. or maybe.. i dont know. ill continue.
i am blogging during my free on a thursday morning, with a certain mr orange.
i was just thinking about something....
You know whats funny?
we ALL KNOW we are reading each others blog
just we are pretending we arent.
Because, well.
obviously we basically reply to some of the things we post, some of the things we say. if something has offended one of us, the other will defend or justify.
I dont know. There are some times, when i will catch your eyes. and then all these things just.. happen. like, memories. and sometimes there is that, faster beat of your heart, like, looking at you is wrong, like.. catching eyes with your enemy or a guy you like, not that i like, want you, um. hem. lol.
but basically like its wrong.
and i wish it werent like that. but then, i think about it.. how can any of us become normal again? we cant just go back to how it was, no matter how much i would like it. that would be great, but.. we have moved on. or.. not so much moved on. just.. so much has happened. i dont think, even if we became friends and sat on your floor, trying to sneak into your computer room and attach the internet because your dad took it out and told us we couldnt go on it... we could catch up on everything that has happened without each other.
because.. it all happened without you
this kinda big thinking thing came up a while ago.. what will happen in the end.. etc.
the end of school, its coming up, and if i can manage to pass everything (JESUS!) then yes, jesus. but anyway. if i can, then.. whats gonna happen? am i gonna end up with like, 2 girl friends?
like, those two are the greatest girls ever, but .. i always thought i would end this with SLIGHTLY more friends, lol.
and im not, so much, friendless. im just.. friend challenged. you know. NOW I SOUND GAY.
lol. not like, alex julian friend challenged. just.. i lost a lot of friends, just because i couldnt go to some thing in the holidays. its like, the friendship had to be justified through the amount of outings i attend and the amount i drink. and its not like, i chose not to go out with them. its not like, i went out of my way to not attend what tehy had planend. i just couldnt go. and should i be punished with, turned backs, ignored in the halls? like, whatever. fuck you.
thats right i swore.
back to my original train of thought. digression, much?
you were the one i thought i would so stupid things with, you know.. talk about certain things, do certain things. not like that >: lol. but youknow.
and i kinda get the feeling that the boy means slightly more than us. not like, more important, but.. a differnt kinda of love, that you so often defended having. you totally did..
but now its recess. ill continue, tonight. or maybe.. i dont know. ill continue.
i struggle with particular thoughts sometimes.. =S
like.. do i miss you? and everyone else i lost.
i mean, i know i do. just. sometimes being alone, feels.. so good.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
i just made the longest blog
like
so, so long.
and my internet cut out, and it didnt save. at all.
it was somethign really important too.. i was so worried about it.
apparently you werent supposed to see it.
so, so long.
and my internet cut out, and it didnt save. at all.
it was somethign really important too.. i was so worried about it.
apparently you werent supposed to see it.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
so its come to this.
you know what i realised?
my shadow knows more about me than, really anyone.
with about 3 exceptions.
anyway.
you know those nights, when your just upset, sad, stressed, crying.
its dark, your trying to sleep. there is nothing but you, and your shadows. jsut, sometimes.. i wish i could get my shadows opinion on everything.
i mean, if you think about it, they are with you, contantly, give or take a few cloudy days.
they have been there your entire life, they know everything about you. they are with you while you fall asleep, i duno.
i wish i were peter pan, he got to see his shadow. though it could not talk, it certainly did have its very own personality. which is odd, though i guess you cant really question something like, a shadows personality, when.. well when the shadow isnt attached to you and is floating around the room, hiding in drawers and generally just being a little shit.,
basically, i wish i were in a disney movie. ill go live on freaking, never land. to never grow up. seems pretty sweet to me. so screw you Wendy. PETER IS MINE!!. though, i dont know whether i would want to be stuck in the right here right now. halfway through year 12, which is sucking btw, so many problems.. so much to think about. its not just the schoolwork, its not just the family, its everything else.
so much more to think about. i would love to go to neverland, to live happy, for the rest of my life. but i cant. and i wont. so. =/
Personally, i think wendy made the right choice. i mean, at the time, why are you gonna give up some sexy as flying boy? i mean, come on. that hat, just.. wow.
anywho. and you think, now she is gonna have to come back to her gay life, and live through all the troubles that are surely going to come. what if she never finds love? will she be forced to turn to the life of paedophillia, (??) and go to neverland with her toyboy? or will she live her life unhappy.. never knowing whether to believe her experience in neverland was real.
see.
even going to neverland seems to be stressful.
on a different topic..
my sister is moving out on sunday, tmorrow, thats right.
on easter.. now my feelings are mixed. i wont go into extreme detail, as im sure none of you care, all that much. but lets just say, she is renting somewhere, with another family.. who is, a single mum, her two daughters.. who are 16 and 19. hmm.. doesnt that sound somewhat familiar? minus my little sister, and basically she has replaced my mother, my sister and i. i am unsure how to feel about this; her departure means less fights, it was getting to a point where she had to go. now its that time.. where i dont know whether to miss her or not. i know i will, but.. i dont know. everything is confusing. especially, the.. will i ever see her again? is she just gonna cut us out? how come she jsut HAD to leave on easter, considering her birthday is the very next day.. and how come she doesnt even seem like she will miss us. or me. id ont know.
faced with this situation, it has produced some odd emotions.
some that arent very well explained, might i add =P/
thats all.
my shadow knows more about me than, really anyone.
with about 3 exceptions.
anyway.
you know those nights, when your just upset, sad, stressed, crying.
its dark, your trying to sleep. there is nothing but you, and your shadows. jsut, sometimes.. i wish i could get my shadows opinion on everything.
i mean, if you think about it, they are with you, contantly, give or take a few cloudy days.
they have been there your entire life, they know everything about you. they are with you while you fall asleep, i duno.
i wish i were peter pan, he got to see his shadow. though it could not talk, it certainly did have its very own personality. which is odd, though i guess you cant really question something like, a shadows personality, when.. well when the shadow isnt attached to you and is floating around the room, hiding in drawers and generally just being a little shit.,
basically, i wish i were in a disney movie. ill go live on freaking, never land. to never grow up. seems pretty sweet to me. so screw you Wendy. PETER IS MINE!!. though, i dont know whether i would want to be stuck in the right here right now. halfway through year 12, which is sucking btw, so many problems.. so much to think about. its not just the schoolwork, its not just the family, its everything else.
so much more to think about. i would love to go to neverland, to live happy, for the rest of my life. but i cant. and i wont. so. =/
Personally, i think wendy made the right choice. i mean, at the time, why are you gonna give up some sexy as flying boy? i mean, come on. that hat, just.. wow.
anywho. and you think, now she is gonna have to come back to her gay life, and live through all the troubles that are surely going to come. what if she never finds love? will she be forced to turn to the life of paedophillia, (??) and go to neverland with her toyboy? or will she live her life unhappy.. never knowing whether to believe her experience in neverland was real.
see.
even going to neverland seems to be stressful.
on a different topic..
my sister is moving out on sunday, tmorrow, thats right.
on easter.. now my feelings are mixed. i wont go into extreme detail, as im sure none of you care, all that much. but lets just say, she is renting somewhere, with another family.. who is, a single mum, her two daughters.. who are 16 and 19. hmm.. doesnt that sound somewhat familiar? minus my little sister, and basically she has replaced my mother, my sister and i. i am unsure how to feel about this; her departure means less fights, it was getting to a point where she had to go. now its that time.. where i dont know whether to miss her or not. i know i will, but.. i dont know. everything is confusing. especially, the.. will i ever see her again? is she just gonna cut us out? how come she jsut HAD to leave on easter, considering her birthday is the very next day.. and how come she doesnt even seem like she will miss us. or me. id ont know.
faced with this situation, it has produced some odd emotions.
some that arent very well explained, might i add =P/
thats all.
Monday, April 6, 2009
dance with me, right here, right now.
no, no i wont.
beacuse i have too much homework.
dude, seriously. i just wish i could like.. get on top of all my homework. i mean, i have some mass ass biology thing to do, which i have been dawdling around for AGES. but, like.. i have all this other crap form other subjects that was due, and i just dont feel like going to ANY of the lessons. i duno, i just dont want to. specially english.
sigh.
it just it so boring, like..i cant be bothered listening to ms lovell crapping on about crap.
not to mention i actually did send something to her, like.. lots, not realising her name is spelt with TWO LLs!!
FOR FUCKS SAKE.
jsut whatever. i cant even be bothered anymore. i can make it up next term, so long as i do it really well and try so fucking hard. then it wil be done.
OH SHIT i just forgot about classsics, ey?
its supposed to be like some super freaking awesome essay, cos of course thats what its gonna be.
so, bloggers.
it has come to my attention that every teacher seems to think i am incapable of doing work, or just not able to compete with by boyfriend.
like, he overshadows me.
i got talked to my me english teacher, because my work wasnt in or something
i mean, she thinks im dumb as it is, i mean.. am i gonna tell her that i spelt her name wrong lol. anywho, she was like, 'oh so do you feel like daniel overshadows you, beacuse you never say anything and he always does..'
im like, okay your a bitch, and well, does the amount you talk really show how smart you are? cos, funnily enough, i was told to not talk in class.
and, i made up some bullshit like, oh.. i dont talk heaps in class, cos i duno. lol.. im like 'oh i do drama, and i really excell, beacuse, i duno..' shes like, oh it must be beacuse your not being you!
im like.. yep thats right ;) sure sure. lol. i mean thats true but whatever.
anyyway, to which i got some crack ass lecture about how she is moving our seats or some shit.
so, yep. okay, got me out of some work for a while, LOL.
but, then ..i was like, okay, ill jsut get up and leave , la di dah..
then she FUCKING PATTED ME ON THE BACK.
like a dog, like,... good girl. you agreed with me
which only made me want to rebel against her even more, not a good move in year 12, but you know.
i would, if i could. if i was in year 10 iwould.
oh the days of year 10, wagging.. city, bay, sachas house.. sigh.
lovely days.
anyway.
FUCKING HOLIDAYS will be the best times of my life.
the end/
beacuse i have too much homework.
dude, seriously. i just wish i could like.. get on top of all my homework. i mean, i have some mass ass biology thing to do, which i have been dawdling around for AGES. but, like.. i have all this other crap form other subjects that was due, and i just dont feel like going to ANY of the lessons. i duno, i just dont want to. specially english.
sigh.
it just it so boring, like..i cant be bothered listening to ms lovell crapping on about crap.
not to mention i actually did send something to her, like.. lots, not realising her name is spelt with TWO LLs!!
FOR FUCKS SAKE.
jsut whatever. i cant even be bothered anymore. i can make it up next term, so long as i do it really well and try so fucking hard. then it wil be done.
OH SHIT i just forgot about classsics, ey?
its supposed to be like some super freaking awesome essay, cos of course thats what its gonna be.
so, bloggers.
it has come to my attention that every teacher seems to think i am incapable of doing work, or just not able to compete with by boyfriend.
like, he overshadows me.
i got talked to my me english teacher, because my work wasnt in or something
i mean, she thinks im dumb as it is, i mean.. am i gonna tell her that i spelt her name wrong lol. anywho, she was like, 'oh so do you feel like daniel overshadows you, beacuse you never say anything and he always does..'
im like, okay your a bitch, and well, does the amount you talk really show how smart you are? cos, funnily enough, i was told to not talk in class.
and, i made up some bullshit like, oh.. i dont talk heaps in class, cos i duno. lol.. im like 'oh i do drama, and i really excell, beacuse, i duno..' shes like, oh it must be beacuse your not being you!
im like.. yep thats right ;) sure sure. lol. i mean thats true but whatever.
anyyway, to which i got some crack ass lecture about how she is moving our seats or some shit.
so, yep. okay, got me out of some work for a while, LOL.
but, then ..i was like, okay, ill jsut get up and leave , la di dah..
then she FUCKING PATTED ME ON THE BACK.
like a dog, like,... good girl. you agreed with me
which only made me want to rebel against her even more, not a good move in year 12, but you know.
i would, if i could. if i was in year 10 iwould.
oh the days of year 10, wagging.. city, bay, sachas house.. sigh.
lovely days.
anyway.
FUCKING HOLIDAYS will be the best times of my life.
the end/
Thursday, April 2, 2009
you know when you do stupid things?
yes well i just did.
i had this super awesome idea for a present for my boyfriend,
and then im like
nah.. no way he would ever wear it
and then
he came over
and im like, haha.. look at this , this is what i was gonna get you
but you wouldnt wear it, no way =P
and i showed it to him
and of course
it turned out he really liked it.
gay.
so now i have to think of something new
and this whole present idea i had been planning, then assumed he wouldnt like just went out the window.
so awsome.
not that i spent like a billion years thinking about it or anything.
thats all
except for , how stupid am i??
i had this super awesome idea for a present for my boyfriend,
and then im like
nah.. no way he would ever wear it
and then
he came over
and im like, haha.. look at this , this is what i was gonna get you
but you wouldnt wear it, no way =P
and i showed it to him
and of course
it turned out he really liked it.
gay.
so now i have to think of something new
and this whole present idea i had been planning, then assumed he wouldnt like just went out the window.
so awsome.
not that i spent like a billion years thinking about it or anything.
thats all
except for , how stupid am i??
its like a drug, isnt it?
so its addictive.
i read it, and the other one reads it.
makes me laugh.
its so.. .. i dunno. doesnt make sense.. its funny how we both just read it.
and know stuff
but like
dont even ... do anything.
i duno.
everything is confusing
anywho, fly away peter is due tomorrow..
i havent done like any of it
so im screwed. i actually think i would prefer to sleep.
i DONT KNOW.
sigh.
anyway.
my msn keeps signing in and out.
its so annoying
and im so bored.. i wish something interesing would happen.
so
im sitting on my laptop.
okay i think its obvious to everyone that i have really nothing to say
except michelle is awesome
and actually, imgoing out with some old friends that i lost contact with for a while this weekend.
so im excited about that
im glad to be friends with them again, i dont want to be like.. on bad terms with people at the end of this year.
so
lets see.
i didnt hand insome thing for classics, and im pretty sure that im screwing my year up.
its killing me
and mr moyle, pretty much told me that because i want to go to tafe, i should quit classics
and
i read it, and the other one reads it.
makes me laugh.
its so.. .. i dunno. doesnt make sense.. its funny how we both just read it.
and know stuff
but like
dont even ... do anything.
i duno.
everything is confusing
anywho, fly away peter is due tomorrow..
i havent done like any of it
so im screwed. i actually think i would prefer to sleep.
i DONT KNOW.
sigh.
anyway.
my msn keeps signing in and out.
its so annoying
and im so bored.. i wish something interesing would happen.
so
im sitting on my laptop.
okay i think its obvious to everyone that i have really nothing to say
except michelle is awesome
and actually, imgoing out with some old friends that i lost contact with for a while this weekend.
so im excited about that
im glad to be friends with them again, i dont want to be like.. on bad terms with people at the end of this year.
so
lets see.
i didnt hand insome thing for classics, and im pretty sure that im screwing my year up.
its killing me
and mr moyle, pretty much told me that because i want to go to tafe, i should quit classics
and
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
i havent blogged lately.
mainly cos i cant be bothered.
and you know what
i cant be bothered right now.
all i can say is,
missing you.
and its not who you think it is.
its an odd misss..
and its not for any particular reason.
i just.. i dont know.
i thought of you and saw you and i missed you.
life sometimes can be weird.
and you know what
i cant be bothered right now.
all i can say is,
missing you.
and its not who you think it is.
its an odd misss..
and its not for any particular reason.
i just.. i dont know.
i thought of you and saw you and i missed you.
life sometimes can be weird.
Friday, March 27, 2009
I bit them
yeh..
im sorry
but i bit the majority of my nails off again
i didnt want to
and i knew it was wrong when i was doing it
but i continued.
anyway.
now they seem so short..
even though they are still longer than they used to be when i bit them before.
but thats another story
not really.
i dont even know why i said that
anyway.
i wish that the stuff you can put on your nails to stop you biting them worked on me
i just bite on them and suffer the gross acidic taste i get in my mouth
there is just something so satisfying about biting the crap outta your nails.
i duno
it looks.. horrid.
but thats not the point at hand here.
but they are gone
they seemed so long..
though they were really weak.,
i could, actually bend them backwards onto themselves
which i guess is acceptable beacuse i bit them, so they wont be stong to begin with
i jsut wish i had sexy natural nails
i cant stand the fake ones..
cos they look so fake
ironic, yes. but not the point.. they go beyond the point of fake.
like the majority of things that are fake..
like boobs, hair colour, nails, tans..
everyone knows they are fake
you can tell from a mile away
so i dont know why people really bother
i mean..
i duno
just the nails.. eugh.
and boobs.. all i can say is.. everyone knows. lol
anyway.
im tired.
i dont know how you people can sit up al night on the computer.. or laptop, whatever
i get bored
with nothing really to do
stupid boyfriend goes to bed at like 10 lol.
he smells.
anyway i love him i suppose..
only an hour and a half until 10 months!!
yay.
im sorry
but i bit the majority of my nails off again
i didnt want to
and i knew it was wrong when i was doing it
but i continued.
anyway.
now they seem so short..
even though they are still longer than they used to be when i bit them before.
but thats another story
not really.
i dont even know why i said that
anyway.
i wish that the stuff you can put on your nails to stop you biting them worked on me
i just bite on them and suffer the gross acidic taste i get in my mouth
there is just something so satisfying about biting the crap outta your nails.
i duno
it looks.. horrid.
but thats not the point at hand here.
but they are gone
they seemed so long..
though they were really weak.,
i could, actually bend them backwards onto themselves
which i guess is acceptable beacuse i bit them, so they wont be stong to begin with
i jsut wish i had sexy natural nails
i cant stand the fake ones..
cos they look so fake
ironic, yes. but not the point.. they go beyond the point of fake.
like the majority of things that are fake..
like boobs, hair colour, nails, tans..
everyone knows they are fake
you can tell from a mile away
so i dont know why people really bother
i mean..
i duno
just the nails.. eugh.
and boobs.. all i can say is.. everyone knows. lol
anyway.
im tired.
i dont know how you people can sit up al night on the computer.. or laptop, whatever
i get bored
with nothing really to do
stupid boyfriend goes to bed at like 10 lol.
he smells.
anyway i love him i suppose..
only an hour and a half until 10 months!!
yay.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
here i am again
im on some random internet lol
its a long story
i wont explain it.
anyway, to make it short, sharp and simple,
im connected to well
an internet.
eh i cant be bothered explaining.
so, the sisters boyfriend is here, which is annoying
because we have to have dinner with him
even though she is convienently away (with HIM) every time daniel is over.
so whatever
i shouldnt have to be here. i shouldnt have to eat dinner with him
but i do.
i dont have a choice, cos if i dont its rude wah wah
well whatever maybe i CHOOSE to be rude
whatever.
mm and they are eating meat, too.
despite the fact im vegetarian, which no one seems to care about
though i basically eat chips so. yeah lol
vegetarian , KINDA.
LOL
i believe in the not killing animals part
just not the gross tofu bullshit
i read something interesting recently. on a website.
it kinda. i duno.
it was good to hear her not be like..
angry
i dont know.
its good.
but its gona be weird
and sometimes ihate that, that its gonna be weird, ineviatibly. but its going to be.
there is no way around that
you cant just kick that long away
its gonna be there
and its significant.
so.
anywho,
its daniel and mine 10 months on saturday! im so excited!! and though i dont rival my best friends boyfrend and her, its still exciting. its the longest i have been with a guy, you know.
but
all is good. im pretty excited. though its not really anything..
its just good to know that i accomplished something.
i know, it seems insigificant.
but to me, it .. its just good to know that i did something, and i stuck withit. worked on it.
and here i am.
so.
the days are good. im happy. and
I MISS MICHELLE.
come back faster.
its a long story
i wont explain it.
anyway, to make it short, sharp and simple,
im connected to well
an internet.
eh i cant be bothered explaining.
so, the sisters boyfriend is here, which is annoying
because we have to have dinner with him
even though she is convienently away (with HIM) every time daniel is over.
so whatever
i shouldnt have to be here. i shouldnt have to eat dinner with him
but i do.
i dont have a choice, cos if i dont its rude wah wah
well whatever maybe i CHOOSE to be rude
whatever.
mm and they are eating meat, too.
despite the fact im vegetarian, which no one seems to care about
though i basically eat chips so. yeah lol
vegetarian , KINDA.
LOL
i believe in the not killing animals part
just not the gross tofu bullshit
i read something interesting recently. on a website.
it kinda. i duno.
it was good to hear her not be like..
angry
i dont know.
its good.
but its gona be weird
and sometimes ihate that, that its gonna be weird, ineviatibly. but its going to be.
there is no way around that
you cant just kick that long away
its gonna be there
and its significant.
so.
anywho,
its daniel and mine 10 months on saturday! im so excited!! and though i dont rival my best friends boyfrend and her, its still exciting. its the longest i have been with a guy, you know.
but
all is good. im pretty excited. though its not really anything..
its just good to know that i accomplished something.
i know, it seems insigificant.
but to me, it .. its just good to know that i did something, and i stuck withit. worked on it.
and here i am.
so.
the days are good. im happy. and
I MISS MICHELLE.
come back faster.
J'aime la pensée de ceci
at times .. i wonder. but i know the answer already.
yes well.
btw, if your gonna be like, oh she means this.
chances are your wrong.
school.
i know i bitch about it constantly. but oh well.
biology, im not even that worried about it. mother isnt even angry
and he called her and stuff and he said i was a really good student, etc.
im always on task.
but i just did bad..
but i managed to conclude how i couldnt really get this part of the course.
its heaps chemistry.
apparently.
but, somehow, all through my years.. i havent been able to get chem.
just.. i dont lol.
i fucking rule the shit outta cells, to put it bluntly. but yeah.
thats all .
well im gonna hope thats why anyway.
poems.. maybe i should try to read some stuff for english.. it might be good.
ANYWAY.
there is this person
that .. seriously.
bahahaha.
i dont even know what im rambling about.
i mean, there are times when i think about her, and i think, you know. i kinda wish that we still were friends..
like, stupid stuff, just old stuff that we used to do.
but its kinda like..
i duno.
its been.. so long.
and so much has happened.
and its jsut weird now.
soooo.
i dont know.
and im pretty sure my girly girl feels the same.
but eh.
im done.
yes well.
btw, if your gonna be like, oh she means this.
chances are your wrong.
school.
i know i bitch about it constantly. but oh well.
biology, im not even that worried about it. mother isnt even angry
and he called her and stuff and he said i was a really good student, etc.
im always on task.
but i just did bad..
but i managed to conclude how i couldnt really get this part of the course.
its heaps chemistry.
apparently.
but, somehow, all through my years.. i havent been able to get chem.
just.. i dont lol.
i fucking rule the shit outta cells, to put it bluntly. but yeah.
thats all .
well im gonna hope thats why anyway.
poems.. maybe i should try to read some stuff for english.. it might be good.
ANYWAY.
there is this person
that .. seriously.
bahahaha.
i dont even know what im rambling about.
i mean, there are times when i think about her, and i think, you know. i kinda wish that we still were friends..
like, stupid stuff, just old stuff that we used to do.
but its kinda like..
i duno.
its been.. so long.
and so much has happened.
and its jsut weird now.
soooo.
i dont know.
and im pretty sure my girly girl feels the same.
but eh.
im done.
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