i am blogging during my free on a thursday morning, with a certain mr orange.
i was just thinking about something....
You know whats funny?
we ALL KNOW we are reading each others blog
just we are pretending we arent.
Because, well.
obviously we basically reply to some of the things we post, some of the things we say. if something has offended one of us, the other will defend or justify.
I dont know. There are some times, when i will catch your eyes. and then all these things just.. happen. like, memories. and sometimes there is that, faster beat of your heart, like, looking at you is wrong, like.. catching eyes with your enemy or a guy you like, not that i like, want you, um. hem. lol.
but basically like its wrong.
and i wish it werent like that. but then, i think about it.. how can any of us become normal again? we cant just go back to how it was, no matter how much i would like it. that would be great, but.. we have moved on. or.. not so much moved on. just.. so much has happened. i dont think, even if we became friends and sat on your floor, trying to sneak into your computer room and attach the internet because your dad took it out and told us we couldnt go on it... we could catch up on everything that has happened without each other.
because.. it all happened without you
this kinda big thinking thing came up a while ago.. what will happen in the end.. etc.
the end of school, its coming up, and if i can manage to pass everything (JESUS!) then yes, jesus. but anyway. if i can, then.. whats gonna happen? am i gonna end up with like, 2 girl friends?
like, those two are the greatest girls ever, but .. i always thought i would end this with SLIGHTLY more friends, lol.
and im not, so much, friendless. im just.. friend challenged. you know. NOW I SOUND GAY.
lol. not like, alex julian friend challenged. just.. i lost a lot of friends, just because i couldnt go to some thing in the holidays. its like, the friendship had to be justified through the amount of outings i attend and the amount i drink. and its not like, i chose not to go out with them. its not like, i went out of my way to not attend what tehy had planend. i just couldnt go. and should i be punished with, turned backs, ignored in the halls? like, whatever. fuck you.
thats right i swore.
back to my original train of thought. digression, much?
you were the one i thought i would so stupid things with, you know.. talk about certain things, do certain things. not like that >: lol. but youknow.
and i kinda get the feeling that the boy means slightly more than us. not like, more important, but.. a differnt kinda of love, that you so often defended having. you totally did..
but now its recess. ill continue, tonight. or maybe.. i dont know. ill continue.
i struggle with particular thoughts sometimes.. =S
like.. do i miss you? and everyone else i lost.
i mean, i know i do. just. sometimes being alone, feels.. so good.
I know how you feel with the friends thing, i know how it goes, and i think about the end of the year too, like, I am moving back to adeliade, so i will barely see the friends I made here again unless its on my occasional visits, which, as much as you don't want it to, distance DOES affect friendships badly (not ours obviously :P) but like, since I have been away so long, i have heard things that my adeliade friends have said about me, just wondering like 'maybe michelle isn't coming back' and 'why does she want to come back anyway?' and even though they never meant for those things to hurt, it does. So yeah the group in Adeliade is completely different now, like everyone has paired of to 'best friends' which is always gay when it doesn' include you :P and on weekends they all have their 'bf time' so i too, might find myself, also friend challenged :P
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