biology today
got my test back
lets jsut say..
i was kinda fighting back the tears. i know that sounds really gay, and so silly to get upset over
but it really was devestating. if you knew the mark.. i think you would cry too.
but,
it just sucks.. my life revolves around doing work now, schoolwork.
and i cant, like.. i just cant seem to keep up. i jsut cant. like, i do the work, but. then with some stuff. i just dont do it.
i dont even understand myself anymore.
its crossed my mind many times, do i really need school?
and yes, i do.
but sometimes, the easy way is so much more tempting.
but i know, i couldnt go through with it. no more seeing my friends every day, no more seeing daniel every day.. i couldnt relate to them. and i would be starting my life , well . now.
i couldnt start taking a gap year.
cos what would i be celebrating? i couldnt go with my friends 'after graduation' to , i duno. wherever they are going.
victor harbour or whatever.
cos i didnt graduate.
i could never be a graduate. ever.
from TAFE, sure.
but i would never have graduated high school
i would never have that memory with my friends. never.
but not to worry about that
because hopefully that wont happen.
im just kinda hoping to rock my finals.
biology..
kinda freaked out about.
and classics, well. im trying. thats all i can say.
i wish i could go for a run. like, if i were fit enough. lol. but it would be nice. to run. to just see everything passing me by..
to just control something.
but then i dont even know if i would stop running. because i wouldnt want to come back to my life. i jsut wouldnt.
i need to .. i dont know.
take a break.
i need my holidays.
they need to come faster.
but i dont want my grades. more than anything, i dont want to show my mother my grades.
i cant keep disappointing her.
oh btw i should probs tell her that she might be getting a letter and a call about biology. lol.
though i shouldnt be laughing.
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babe, finish year twelve, it will be so much better when it is over to know that suck it out, for all these years. Even if it seems crap, does your school have a careers office or anything? coz that can help you, if you left now, you would just be at home all the time, like, not even a job to go to. Then it gets harder and harder to find a job the longer you do nothing. And yeah, the friends thing would be bad too, I have seen it happen to friends of mine, and it is really sad because they regret it, they always regret leaving.
ReplyDeleteonly like, 8 more months (or sonething like that) it will be alright *hugs* I love you =]