my my life is hard

i didnt even really notice..
just how much i hadnt really been doing in biology..
but then again, i suck at doing tests..
mainly in biology.. i always found it hard.
i forget things, and stuff.

anyway
i am in a major paranoia.
i cant stop thinking about it
biology teacher gave us an ultimateum. if we dont get at least half marks, then he will call our parents and send a letter home.
and its not the fact that i did bad that really worries me,
cos i know i can make those marks back
but.. its the letters home.
the disappointing of mother,
i just didnt want to do that to her this year
i tried, so hard. to learn for that test. and i screwed it up. i know i did. im so upset, to the point of freaking out and crying, because it scares me. i dont want to seem like the 'bad one' again. this was my year. i was gonna take control.
i was gonna get that fantastic TER, and make my mother proud.

and now, all i can think is that she will be so.. disappointed in me.
and i hate that
i hate it, so... so much.
its really killing me.
i.. i have been thinking possible ways to fix the situation. there is appealing to mr dryden, explaining that i can make it up, just.. the letter home, and telling mother.. it would be the worst thing for me right now.
but i doubt he would care, he would probably say its too bad, he cant give out special treatment.
and i hate this. i CANT be failing the ONLY subject i have worked hard at all through school
and yes i have always kinda sucked at sciences, its just not a strong spot for me. and yes why would i choose a profession that specialises in science..
but i love the idea. i knew, since i was in primary school.
this is what i was going to do.
this was it.
but. now thats pretty much gone.
and i cant help but get upset.
because
i cant do it.
i just cant.